Telling People

After the deciding comes sharing. As soon as we knew we were going to attend Foster Parent training, we began telling the people we share our lives with.

Parents

My mom regularly stays the night with us, so she will have to have clearance by Alabama DHR. Our decision to explore foster parenting involves her by default. Not only that, but, if you're going to pursue something daunting and life changing, it's best to do so with the love and support of your family and friends. My mom works in child care and she's already familiar with some of the things we'll be going through: finger printing, background checks, first aid and CPR training. She filled out the Child Abuse-Neglect form with no hesitation.

Church

Since my husband is a pastor, our decision involves our church because the required training classes are scheduled on nights we hold a service. We were surprised by how warmly and graciously they responded and agreed to move our midweek service to Sunday night so we could attend the classes. They even started speculating when we might have our first kids! Their openly eager attitude encouraged me that we were heading in the right direction. We asked for prayers. We silently asked for a lot of prayers.

Employer

I told my boss at work because  I needed to rearrange my schedule slightly to fit the classes in more easily. He willingly allowed me to change my schedule with no problem at all. From a professional perspective, I love that his only response was related to scheduling. He asked no questions about the classes or what prompted our decision. I appreciate that he focused on what was relevant to the workplace, without prying for personal information I might not be comfortable sharing.

References

A portion of completing your profile requires that you list references, family, friend, employer. It should go without saying, but if you are going to depend on someone to vouch for your character and potential ability to be an effective foster parent, you may want to let them know that they will be receiving a call from someone so they have an opportunity to opt out, or so they can be thinking about what they might want to share about you and so you can be sure that being presumptuous and inconsiderate aren't the traits that top their list! 

Of those people we have told so far, not a single one has contributed anything negative, or looked at us like we had grown a second head. If they looked at us like we've lost our minds, well, we're kind of used to that. 

Foster Parent Training

Extensive training is required before being licensed as a foster parent, and rightly so. 

The first class we attended was a GPS class, or Group Process Selection. The class was on the small side, with only 3 families participating. By the next week, we were the only couple left, so the social worker changed our curriculum to Deciding Together. 

"Deciding Together is a program to help 

families make an informed decision 

about becoming foster or adoptive parents 

while also preparing them for the role 

of foster or adoptive parents."

In the introductory group class, we were given a great deal of information, and I'm a note taker, so I took down several pages of notes. I appreciated that we were given the opportunity to ask questions and there was a lot of class participation.

We have taken two classes using the Deciding Together curriculum. The pace is slower, the lessons more in depth. We met last week with our social worker in our home, which did make me a little nervous initially, but  if we do become foster parents, this will be a common occurrence. It makes sense to start getting used to the idea now. 

I had an irrational fear that our home would be viewed with dust finding gloves and dirty laundry seeking glasses, but to the contrary, our UMCH (United Methodist Children's Home) representative viewed our home as a human being who recognizes everyone has laundry in their laundry room and dishes in their sink. It was such a relief. We have another class tonight, and of course, I still made sure to clean the house. Some things can't be helped.  We haven't had our home inspection yet, that will be after the classes, and I feel sure there will be some things at that point that will need correction.

Each week, there are worksheets to be completed called Strengths/Needs Assessments. These are intended to help you reflect on where your strengths and needs lie and also to inform the social worker where to focus their training and what type of child might be a good fit for your family. I would say one of our needs is that any child placed with us would need to attend an after school program, because my husband and I both work full time. A strength would be that our church and family have been extremely supportive and open to the idea of us becoming foster parents.

The training is helping me think about what a child in foster care may have experienced in their life, how it might cause them to behave, and that behavior is a result of what they have endured, not that the child is a "bad" child. It is also helping me to picture caring for someone else's child in my home.

Deciding

For us, deciding to take steps toward becoming foster parents has been a process that spans years. We've prayed for God to fill our table. We've added "welcoming a child" to our list of life-goals. We have never cared whether that child was our own or not, but the picture I have painted in my mind of what foster parenting might look like for us is an idyllic scene with me as a stay at home mom while my husband works full time in the ministry.

Our current life couldn't look less like that and I worry that means it isn't the right time. But then, will it ever be? If I'm truthful, I worry about lots of things. Do we have time? Can we afford it? Can we sacrifice the home office? One child? Two? Babies? Toddlers? Teenagers? Boys or Girls? Both? School buses, car seats? Bunk beds? Child proofing? Feeding picky eaters? For heaven's sake, I don't think there are any questions I don't have.

The opportunity to finally decide presented itself by way of this little meme posted by the United Methodist Children's Home on Facebook. I opened my big mouth and commented that classes were not offered in Birmingham (Alabama). Well, in God's good humor, there are classes beginning this fall, mere minutes from my work. 

When you've been waiting so long for the door to open, it's a little difficult to not walk through it. And that's how we decided. It's almost a matter of stumbling upon the convergence of the right place and the right time with a daring dose of faith to push open the door for a peek inside.